HOW TO WIN SECRET SANTA

July 01, 2018

HOW TO WIN SECRET SANTA

HOW TO WIN SECRET SANTA:

Smart, sarcastic and silly Secret Santa gifts for every personality type with Joe Blogs.

Struggling for a funny Secret Santa gift idea? You won’t be the only one. Yeah yeah, ‘tis the season to be jolly ‘n all that but Secret Santa can be a real kick in the baubles – especially when you get someone you know nothing about / don’t want to know anything about / has no defining personality features…  

We all know the drill, names get drawn out of a hat by the office keeno (usually also the fire safety officer) or the resident night-planner in your most active Whatsapp group. You’re told you have a budget of £10 to buy Keith from IT something he may find interesting with the option of keeping it anonymous or not and you have no idea what to do. That’s where The Parody Shop can help, but it all depends who it is you end up with. Before we get into personality types, think about taking the easy way out….

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM: GET HIPSTER CRACKERS FOR THE OFFICE PARTY

Hipster or not, opt out of Secret Santa but promise to get 8 Hipster gift-filled Christmas crackers for the table. They know you’re not the ‘let me go to the shop and buy the birthday girl a card’ type already so surprise everyone this Christmas and think of others before yourself in this selfish act of kindness that gets you out of Secret Santa. Contents include:

  • World weary anti jokes
  • Xmas hats
  • A range of top-quality hipster gifts

    SHOP HIPSTER CRACKERS


    SEND THEM COAL ANONYMOUSLY

    Whoever you get, you didn’t want them. So send them coal, explain why and keep your mouth shut. Easy, quick and a timeless classic. Hey, it even comes in a gift wrapped box.

    Personalised coal delivery service only £5.99. SHOP COAL HERE.


    Personalised Christmas Coal Delivery Service

    I may be a ventriloquist dummy, but I’ve a keen eye for low cost, fast delivery Secret Santa gifts. Take a look at the below personality types and have a gander at what we’ve got in store for you. So, who have you got?

     

    THE OFFICE FLIRT

    No brainer. Get them this pussy magnet and make sure they only thing they attract is office stationary.


    ATTRACT A PUSSY MAGNET HERE.

    Pussy Magnet

    THE BRAINIAC

    They endlessly talk about how well they do on Only Connect and University Challenge, but no one’s ever actually seen them at a pub quiz. Blow their minds with the wit and wisdom of Kim Kardashian:


    POCKET KIM WISDOM.

    Pocket Kim Wisdom

    Can’t bring yourself to promote Kim merch, even sarcastically. Fair play. Go full science – test their grasp on relativity. Feel free to throw an apple at them whilst they’re opening the gift too.

    BUY NEWTON'S APPLE PUZZLE HERE. 

    Isaac Newtons Apple Puzzle

    THE LIGHTWEIGHT

    They can’t handle much, so give them less to keep hold of – the half pint glass.

    GRAB THE HALF PINT GLASS. 

    Half Pint Glass

    SOMEONE FROM ACCOUNTS

    They work with them all day and get great enjoyment out of sums, but calculators can be even more fun believe it or not. This one spits out sarcastic messages with each calculation:

    BUY THE CRAZY FUN CALCULATOR. 

    Funtime Crazy Calculator

    THE HIPSTER

    Put that beard to use, man.

    BUY BEARD BAUBLES. 

     

    Beard Baubles

    Outsmart the smart answerer.

    BUY THE SARCASTIC 9 BALL. 

    Saracstic 9 Ball

    THE GRAD

    Work with someone young enough to be confused by the words Noel’s House Party? Or someone in the 30s that clings on to that millennial title? Make them take the test with ‘so you think you’re a millenial.’

    SO YOU THINK YOU'RE A MELLENIAL BOOK. 

    So You Think You're a Millenial


    WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS CARDS?

    There’ll be enough tinsel and Home Alone reruns soon to make anyone want to punch their nan in the face on Christmas Day; so say what you really mean with this selection of Christmas chirpiness. All cards only £3 each with several more available on our Christmas Card page.  


    GOT YOU A CHRISTMAS CARD HERE:

    GOT YOU A CHRISTMAS CARD

    EVEN JESUS DIDN’T BELIEVE IN SANTA CARD HERE:

    EVEN JESUS DIDN'T BELIEVE IN SANTA CARD

    SANTA [CLAUSE] CARD HERE:

    SANTA [CLAUSE] CARD

    THIS CARD IS VERY FESTIVE CARD HERE:

    THIS CARD IS VERY FESTIVE CARD

    So there you have it. Secret Santa, not only sorted but WON. All products are available to ship first class, so it's not too late. Better still, stock up for years to come – there's nothing wrong with being predictable. Merry Christmas. 

     




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